Well this one should get me in trouble. But it's my blog and I get to express myself freely. About 6 years ago, I was sitting in church. A new mother arrived with her baby. All the women gathered around her to fuss. WE oohed and awwwwed. Then the baby was being passed from woman to woman. It was time for the service to start. The new family sat behind a dear friend. She had raised 8 children of her own and one adopted child. The new mother asked if she wanted to hold the baby and her reply was "No, I don't hold babies anymore." I about applauded right there and then.
Finally someone had the honesty to admit they are not baby holders. She never offered any explanation. She never apologized. She is my hero. Later I talked to her about the incident. She said that she had held enough babies in her life between her own, nieces and nephews, and grandchildren. She is no longer feeling the maternal need to hold every single baby that crosses her path. That was exactly how I felt. For years I have had babies thrust into my arms by new parents. No one asked, they just handed them to me and frankly I felt imposed upon at times. It does not make me less of a woman or mother. It does not make me mean or indifferent. It makes me, me.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I have since talked to many other women who feel the same way. Babies are not toys to be shared. Not everyone wants to smell their hair. It doesn't mean that we don't like babies. We just would like to option of enjoying them in their mother's arms instead of our own. I don't pretend I have a magic touch with them and I don't need to be seen holding one. I have raised my own happily and they didn't feel neglected. I was very affectionate with them. That is the issue with me.
I don't hand out affection easily. I express that particular emotion with those I have deep connections with. My husband, kids, parents, aunts, cousins and close friends. I am not a cold impersonal person. I just don't have instant connections with babies. I don't know them. Once I know them, no problem, I'll even ask to hold them.
I never imposed my own children on others. If I sensed they were uncomfortable around babies, I respected that and gave them their space. Many times I was reluctant to give them to others because they were mine and I wanted to hold them. I enjoyed them.
Now my husband is the opposite. He will hold any baby or toddler without a second thought. He absolutely loves all babies. He will play with them and walk with them. He doesn't care whose it is. He is so natural with babies. We will be in a grocery store and he will just go bananas over any child. Here is the kicker. My daughter is just like me and my son is just like his father.
One when we were in the grocery store, we passed an brand new baby. It really was cute and happy. All we heard was a high pitch cry of "Oh look at the baby, it's just so cute." The father turned and smiled at my daughter. She laughed and pointed to my 16 year old son. "He said it not me." The man looked at my son and looked kind of surprised.
I guess I didn't raise my kids correctly. Good.
