Those who know me understand that I dislike stereotyping. I especially dislike it when advertising informs me that I need to improve my life. I guess if you happen to be watching TV at 3 am, something has definitely gone wrong. The only people up at 3 am are usually drunks and stressed out housewives (or homemakers).
Well I just watched another commercial where we female homemakers are once again portrayed as the most an inept clumsy human being. Here is my little list of things we are terrible at.
1. We cannot manage to carry a vacuum cleaner up stairs without tripping and tangling ourselves up with the chord. I REALLY REALLY hate this one. I guess any one with a two story house has only 3 options. Buy the expensive specially designed vacuum for clumsy women to carry up the stairs. Move to a single story house. Stop trying to vacuum the floors on the second floor. I think I will opt for the third. Who else but family goes upstairs anyway.
2. We cannot flip a damn pancake without trashing the kitchen. Yup by the time I am done, batter is on the ceiling, floor, and all over my stove top. I cannot make pancakes without destroying it and my stove. I need to buy their pan. Does it come with directions. I need pictures. Don't include a flow chart. I will never make it past the first diamond. Maybe a video.
3.Quit telling me I am irregular. No shit! Most of my day is spent eating badly made pancakes and in fear of going up my own steps.
4. I am not giving my kids the right snacks. Feeding my kids pizza snacks will create well behaved loving kids. Tried this and it didn't work. They still hated me most days. My kids have totally behaved maybe twice in their lives. Neither time was a pizza roll involved. So now I just leave a box of bran cereal on the counter. It forces them to go somewhere else for afternoon snacks. They probably behave like the kids on TV at someone else's house anyway.
5. The commercials that really piss me off is the ones where the toddler keeps trashing the house and his mom just smiles. NOT in my house. I have a few complaints here.
Number one, you are obviously not ready for more kids because you cannot seem to supervise just one. This kid is alone more that a cloistered nun. He managed to go from room to room with lots of unsupervised time to cause massive destruction. I am worried about his safety.
Number two, I have never entered a scene of mass destruction smiling. It begins with shock. Followed by confusion. After I have assessed the situation, yelling begins. It's a pretty well rehearsed speech. "What the hell happened!" (shock) "What were you thinking!" (confusion) We all know what follows. Unlike the paper towel commercials I so not lovingly start cleaning up. I don't mop the floor happy. I do not clean red kool aid stains with a smile. The majority of the time I hand a bacteria ridden dishrag to my kid and tell them to.
Here's the reality of life as a homemaker, housewife whatever.
I can not only carry a vacuum up my stairs, I can carry two baskets of laundry down my basement stairs. I can carry 5 full plastic bags of groceries on one arm from the car to my kitchen with any assistance to open doors.
I can flip a stupid pancake, a fried egg and anything else I prefer to fry. We have been told frying is bad but we keep doing it anyway. I have learned that butter solves everything.
I have never greeted my kids at the door with fresh from the oven snacks. They know if they are hungry they can feed themselves. I love my kids enough to teach them how to operate all the equipment in the kitchen. If they tell me they are hungry I tell them what time dinner is and they know they are on their own until then.
My decision to have a second child was not planned. The behavior of my first child had absolutely nothing to do with my having another. I got pregnant cause it just happened. When I told my husband, his first question was "How did that happen?". My answer was this exactly;"How should I know, I was asleep."
Also a little side note. I do not LOVE cleaning. It is not what fulfills me. I clean my house because I hate the mess more.
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