Well once again I am faced with another forced march across this wonderful country of ours to pick up my long lost son of almost 3 months. He has changed his mind and decided that Montana wasn't such a hell hole after all. I give up understanding him. That must mean he is becoming a man.
I don't dread the entire trip. It will be great to see some family and friends. My dog has been with my son and she is coming back. I really miss her. Oh yea and I miss my son too. I don't dread the drive across Montana, Minnesota, Indiana, Illinois or Ohio. What I dread is highway 94 across southern North Dakota. If anyone has driven across either North or South Dakota the question come to mind, Why God, why. The only other option is to swing down to South Dakota and go across.
Now, that IS the most mind numbing drive I have ever taken. About halfway across I am ready to go nuts. As a matter of fact as one keeps going west across south dakota and go into Wyoming, ther are various places called Crazy Woman. There is a crazy woman creek, crazy woman stores everywhere. Teh story goes that a woman went crazy while riding in a wagon train across the northern plains and ran off. I sincerely believe it.
The first time I drove across South Dakota was in a heavily packed Uhaul with two very upset teens. By the time we got to the Missouri River, we were all miserable. Look flat tracks of grassland that never ends, ever. Exciting about the first 10 minutes then you are looking for anything to break up the scenery. First we looked for exciting stuff because we didn't know better. We searched for moose, deer, pronghorns, pheasant, maybe buffalo. Then we were looking for cows, horses, and black birds. It got pretty desperate when we got excited over a tree. Not a forest or group, just a tree. We needed to take a picture. A TREE! Then we saw a TOWN. We were saved. It wasn't so bad after all. Something to look at. Nope we were at Mitchell SD. We had a very long way to go.
Now South Dakota has allowed a terrible cruelty to happen on route 90 (the only highway going across). The distance between Sioux Falls SD and Wall SD is 292 miles. Wall Drug has been allowed to post signs just outside Sioux Falls. See them right away. You think how much further can Wall be. WELL! Let me be the one to inform the ignorant, how a far? Pretty &*%@*% far! Who the hell advertises 300 miles down the road! All you see are these damn signs! Every 5 miles. It's like working on an assembly line all day with a clock in front of you. Time crawls, distance crawls, your sanity ebbs away with every mile. You try to avoid them. But there is absolutely nothing else to look at. There are a couple of tiny towns built around a two pump gas stations.
This is no lie, there is a sign out there that say "Better get gas now, Next gas station is 'Who Knows?'". I am not exaggerating. It is about 400 miles across South Dakota on route 90. Theoretically that should take about 6 and a half hours. That is with minimal stopping for gas and a no peeing rule. Food will be what ever bag of chips or jerky you have in your possession when we leave Sioux Falls or Spearfish, depending on which way we go. But in reality it takes about 45 hours and 10 minutes. By the time you reach the Missouri river, you have lost it. We stopped, took pictures and had a picnic on the grassy strip between the grocery store and the main road. We remarked how pretty the river was as if we hadn't lived by the Ohio river ever. We were transfixed. Sadly we realized we weren't even half way across.
Back to grasslands and Wall drug signs. Did we ever reach Wall Drug. Yes we did and by then we didn't care anymore. We were numb to it. We expected roller coasters and clowns. Nope just a drug store with over priced merchandise. We had another hundred miles to go.
I have made this drive 6 times. There is no getting used to it. I have tried everything. I have thought about avoiding the whole state all together. Once tried to route myself down through Nebraska. Western Nebraska is more exciting, but the cheap skate in me wouldn't allow it. The last time I went through North Dakota thinking it would be better. Wrong big time wrong. But there was that 50 foot cow!
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