Manapause symptoms and treatments.

Well the kids are out of the house and my days of thinking for others is finally over.  I no longer have to make daily suggestions as to where someone left their shoes, pants, or cell phone.  I have spare time to do something for myself.  I am a woman of leasure.

Wrong.  Noone ever told me about manapause.  Noone warned me about what was going to occur with my husband after the mid-life crisis.  So here I am to give my professional advice on this subject.

Symptoms include:
           Standing in an empty room calling for possessions, ok not a new happening, but it happens almost daily now.   He swears what he is looking for was there a minute ago.
           Inability to judge time:  A minute ago can actually mean an hour ago to three months ago.    Also anything that happens prior to three months ago is categorized as "never".  Example:  the kids never call me.  You never got the oil changed.
           Inability to navigate the back yard.  Lately when he goes into the back yard to get "something", he gets lost.  I usually find him at the neighbors house or heading to the gas station for a hot dog.
           Unusual obsession with ice cream.  Everyday after dinner he asks if we have ice cream in the freezer.  I have never kept ice cream on hand but now he thinks we have a creamery operating in the freezer.
           Strange outbursts of affection.  I used to know what the motive was whenever he called my by his pet name for me.   A steak dinner, pointless spending, or a motorcycle (midlife thing).  Now he has become spontaneously affectionate.  I know I shouldn't complain but years of suspicion are hard to shed.
           Patience has become a thing of the past.  He gets mad at the grass, tv, birds, dog, wind, weather, whatever.  I guess he is trying to fill the impatience void since the kids left home.
           Confused Husband Syndrome-  this is the inability to understand anything that requires more than  5 seconds of thought.  Everything requires a thorough line of questioning usually starting with "What are you doing?".  Then comes the why and how questions.

him: What are you doing?
                                                                                     
me:  Dishes
                                                                                     
 him:  Why?
                                                                                       
 me: Because they are dirty.
                                                                                     
him:  Why don't you wash the glasses before the plates?
                                                                                         
me:  Do me a favor.  See if you left your cell phone in the back yard!