Well, it's been another busy year. Latest adventure was tubing the Yellowstone as a family. Finally got Steve and Renee talked into floating the Yellowstone. Mike and I have done it several times. We love it. This is how we do it. WE have fancy inner tubes with handles and netting and most importantly snug cup holders. We jump in and go where the river takes us. Paddle like lunatics at our predesignated ending spot to get to shore. Walk the 1/2 mile to the real spot and go home. Not too complicated. Anyway. So all four of us are going. Took 2 years to get them to go. 2 years! We only have three tubes so Mike uses an old Twin air mattress with an oar. We are off. It's about a 4 mile float. Steve is having the time of his life. We go through some rapids and he loves it. Renee, well she can't seem to get away from shore and trees and rocks. She finally gets moving. WE approach a sharp bend in the river. This is where it gets very fast. You have to be aware and make sure you stay in the middle. You can get tossed into trees and rocks on the outside bend. I make it through, Mike makes it through. We notice Steve and Renee are through yet. Then we see an empty tube. Panic time. Mike makes it back becaue he had an oar. I was at the mercy of the current. It took me a half a mile to get to shore.
It was Steve. He got flipped off his tube. He got sucked to the fast side. He was rescued by some passing boaters. Renee gave up awhile ago and was walking along the shore. So needless to say Steve was not getting back in the River. He was humiliated because the river stripped his pants off and he lost his car keys. I have no idea why he even had his car keys and his tennis shoes stopped him pants from floating away. Renee managed to lose her shoes! Mike saw them floating by but didn't realize they were hers. He did save her mountain dew though. Mike had his wallet with him (why?). It went floating down the river also.
So we had another two miles to hike along the river. Not an easy feat. Renee has no shoes and Steve needed a cigarette terribly. Mike went on down and I stayed with them. Neither knew the trail back. It took two hours of hell, complaining, and crying. Renee couldn't do the last half mile. So we left her on a private road to wait.
Any way here is my question, Why is it always Steve. Always. When we went snowmobiling at Yellowstone last February, we were one who got stuck. Noone else, just us. When we would take his Harley out with friends, he was the one who broke down all the time. When we went four wheeling up in Box Canyon last May, he got us stuck in a snow drift ten miles from anywhere with no cell service, shovel or daylight.
We were thinking of going on a cruise, but I am seriously rethinking this.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Monday, August 12, 2013
Where did my maternal instincts go?
Went floating with my son yesterday. For those who don't know what that means, let me explain. You find an inner tube, jump into the nearest river and go. Pretty much the only planning involved is arranging trips back to your car. Its a pretty popular thing to do around here. So after church we went. First we tied our tubes together. This way we could stay together and share the experience. About 5 minutes into the water, my son unties us. He said I was slowing him down. Fine.
We approach the first rapids. I am excited. My son is paddling frantically towards me. He grabs the rope. He didn't want to do this alone after all. We make it through and it was fun. Mike is still hanging on to the rope. I tell him to go ahead and let go. He said no. So more rapids ahead. There were bigger than the last ones. Mike has me turned backwards and still has the rope. I yell at him to let go. I don't want to do this trip backwards. He yells no.
We are approaching another rapid. There is a dead tree in the middle of them. Mike is screaming we are going to hit the tree. I tell him to help me steer away from it. His arms and legs are flailing everywhere. I realize that unless he starts helping, we are both going to get dragged into the tree. So I put my foot on his tube and "KICKED IT AWAY". My son is shocked and starts screaming "don't leave me mommy!" I pass the tree and am through the rapids. My son has run into it and his tube flipped.
Now before you think I am a murderer, let me explain. The river is about 2 and half feet deep. After he hit the tree, he stood up and was screaming that the tree flipped him. We were both wearing life jackets. I saw he was fine. He was running to catch his shirt. He had tied his shoes onto his tube and they had wrapped around his leg. The whole scene was right out of the three stooges. I couldn't stop laughing.
He catches up and said that I was a bad mother. I barely heard him cause I couldn't stop laughing.
We approach the first rapids. I am excited. My son is paddling frantically towards me. He grabs the rope. He didn't want to do this alone after all. We make it through and it was fun. Mike is still hanging on to the rope. I tell him to go ahead and let go. He said no. So more rapids ahead. There were bigger than the last ones. Mike has me turned backwards and still has the rope. I yell at him to let go. I don't want to do this trip backwards. He yells no.
We are approaching another rapid. There is a dead tree in the middle of them. Mike is screaming we are going to hit the tree. I tell him to help me steer away from it. His arms and legs are flailing everywhere. I realize that unless he starts helping, we are both going to get dragged into the tree. So I put my foot on his tube and "KICKED IT AWAY". My son is shocked and starts screaming "don't leave me mommy!" I pass the tree and am through the rapids. My son has run into it and his tube flipped.
Now before you think I am a murderer, let me explain. The river is about 2 and half feet deep. After he hit the tree, he stood up and was screaming that the tree flipped him. We were both wearing life jackets. I saw he was fine. He was running to catch his shirt. He had tied his shoes onto his tube and they had wrapped around his leg. The whole scene was right out of the three stooges. I couldn't stop laughing.
He catches up and said that I was a bad mother. I barely heard him cause I couldn't stop laughing.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
No, I do not want to hold the baby!
Well this one should get me in trouble. But it's my blog and I get to express myself freely. About 6 years ago, I was sitting in church. A new mother arrived with her baby. All the women gathered around her to fuss. WE oohed and awwwwed. Then the baby was being passed from woman to woman. It was time for the service to start. The new family sat behind a dear friend. She had raised 8 children of her own and one adopted child. The new mother asked if she wanted to hold the baby and her reply was "No, I don't hold babies anymore." I about applauded right there and then.
Finally someone had the honesty to admit they are not baby holders. She never offered any explanation. She never apologized. She is my hero. Later I talked to her about the incident. She said that she had held enough babies in her life between her own, nieces and nephews, and grandchildren. She is no longer feeling the maternal need to hold every single baby that crosses her path. That was exactly how I felt. For years I have had babies thrust into my arms by new parents. No one asked, they just handed them to me and frankly I felt imposed upon at times. It does not make me less of a woman or mother. It does not make me mean or indifferent. It makes me, me.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I have since talked to many other women who feel the same way. Babies are not toys to be shared. Not everyone wants to smell their hair. It doesn't mean that we don't like babies. We just would like to option of enjoying them in their mother's arms instead of our own. I don't pretend I have a magic touch with them and I don't need to be seen holding one. I have raised my own happily and they didn't feel neglected. I was very affectionate with them. That is the issue with me.
I don't hand out affection easily. I express that particular emotion with those I have deep connections with. My husband, kids, parents, aunts, cousins and close friends. I am not a cold impersonal person. I just don't have instant connections with babies. I don't know them. Once I know them, no problem, I'll even ask to hold them.
I never imposed my own children on others. If I sensed they were uncomfortable around babies, I respected that and gave them their space. Many times I was reluctant to give them to others because they were mine and I wanted to hold them. I enjoyed them.
Now my husband is the opposite. He will hold any baby or toddler without a second thought. He absolutely loves all babies. He will play with them and walk with them. He doesn't care whose it is. He is so natural with babies. We will be in a grocery store and he will just go bananas over any child. Here is the kicker. My daughter is just like me and my son is just like his father.
One when we were in the grocery store, we passed an brand new baby. It really was cute and happy. All we heard was a high pitch cry of "Oh look at the baby, it's just so cute." The father turned and smiled at my daughter. She laughed and pointed to my 16 year old son. "He said it not me." The man looked at my son and looked kind of surprised.
I guess I didn't raise my kids correctly. Good.
Finally someone had the honesty to admit they are not baby holders. She never offered any explanation. She never apologized. She is my hero. Later I talked to her about the incident. She said that she had held enough babies in her life between her own, nieces and nephews, and grandchildren. She is no longer feeling the maternal need to hold every single baby that crosses her path. That was exactly how I felt. For years I have had babies thrust into my arms by new parents. No one asked, they just handed them to me and frankly I felt imposed upon at times. It does not make me less of a woman or mother. It does not make me mean or indifferent. It makes me, me.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I have since talked to many other women who feel the same way. Babies are not toys to be shared. Not everyone wants to smell their hair. It doesn't mean that we don't like babies. We just would like to option of enjoying them in their mother's arms instead of our own. I don't pretend I have a magic touch with them and I don't need to be seen holding one. I have raised my own happily and they didn't feel neglected. I was very affectionate with them. That is the issue with me.
I don't hand out affection easily. I express that particular emotion with those I have deep connections with. My husband, kids, parents, aunts, cousins and close friends. I am not a cold impersonal person. I just don't have instant connections with babies. I don't know them. Once I know them, no problem, I'll even ask to hold them.
I never imposed my own children on others. If I sensed they were uncomfortable around babies, I respected that and gave them their space. Many times I was reluctant to give them to others because they were mine and I wanted to hold them. I enjoyed them.
Now my husband is the opposite. He will hold any baby or toddler without a second thought. He absolutely loves all babies. He will play with them and walk with them. He doesn't care whose it is. He is so natural with babies. We will be in a grocery store and he will just go bananas over any child. Here is the kicker. My daughter is just like me and my son is just like his father.
One when we were in the grocery store, we passed an brand new baby. It really was cute and happy. All we heard was a high pitch cry of "Oh look at the baby, it's just so cute." The father turned and smiled at my daughter. She laughed and pointed to my 16 year old son. "He said it not me." The man looked at my son and looked kind of surprised.
I guess I didn't raise my kids correctly. Good.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Manapause symptoms and treatments.
Well the kids are out of the house and my days of thinking for others is finally over. I no longer have to make daily suggestions as to where someone left their shoes, pants, or cell phone. I have spare time to do something for myself. I am a woman of leasure.
Wrong. Noone ever told me about manapause. Noone warned me about what was going to occur with my husband after the mid-life crisis. So here I am to give my professional advice on this subject.
Symptoms include:
Standing in an empty room calling for possessions, ok not a new happening, but it happens almost daily now. He swears what he is looking for was there a minute ago.
Inability to judge time: A minute ago can actually mean an hour ago to three months ago. Also anything that happens prior to three months ago is categorized as "never". Example: the kids never call me. You never got the oil changed.
Inability to navigate the back yard. Lately when he goes into the back yard to get "something", he gets lost. I usually find him at the neighbors house or heading to the gas station for a hot dog.
Unusual obsession with ice cream. Everyday after dinner he asks if we have ice cream in the freezer. I have never kept ice cream on hand but now he thinks we have a creamery operating in the freezer.
Strange outbursts of affection. I used to know what the motive was whenever he called my by his pet name for me. A steak dinner, pointless spending, or a motorcycle (midlife thing). Now he has become spontaneously affectionate. I know I shouldn't complain but years of suspicion are hard to shed.
Patience has become a thing of the past. He gets mad at the grass, tv, birds, dog, wind, weather, whatever. I guess he is trying to fill the impatience void since the kids left home.
Confused Husband Syndrome- this is the inability to understand anything that requires more than 5 seconds of thought. Everything requires a thorough line of questioning usually starting with "What are you doing?". Then comes the why and how questions.
him: What are you doing?
me: Dishes
him: Why?
me: Because they are dirty.
him: Why don't you wash the glasses before the plates?
me: Do me a favor. See if you left your cell phone in the back yard!
Wrong. Noone ever told me about manapause. Noone warned me about what was going to occur with my husband after the mid-life crisis. So here I am to give my professional advice on this subject.
Symptoms include:
Standing in an empty room calling for possessions, ok not a new happening, but it happens almost daily now. He swears what he is looking for was there a minute ago.
Inability to judge time: A minute ago can actually mean an hour ago to three months ago. Also anything that happens prior to three months ago is categorized as "never". Example: the kids never call me. You never got the oil changed.
Inability to navigate the back yard. Lately when he goes into the back yard to get "something", he gets lost. I usually find him at the neighbors house or heading to the gas station for a hot dog.
Unusual obsession with ice cream. Everyday after dinner he asks if we have ice cream in the freezer. I have never kept ice cream on hand but now he thinks we have a creamery operating in the freezer.
Strange outbursts of affection. I used to know what the motive was whenever he called my by his pet name for me. A steak dinner, pointless spending, or a motorcycle (midlife thing). Now he has become spontaneously affectionate. I know I shouldn't complain but years of suspicion are hard to shed.
Patience has become a thing of the past. He gets mad at the grass, tv, birds, dog, wind, weather, whatever. I guess he is trying to fill the impatience void since the kids left home.
Confused Husband Syndrome- this is the inability to understand anything that requires more than 5 seconds of thought. Everything requires a thorough line of questioning usually starting with "What are you doing?". Then comes the why and how questions.
him: What are you doing?
me: Dishes
him: Why?
me: Because they are dirty.
him: Why don't you wash the glasses before the plates?
me: Do me a favor. See if you left your cell phone in the back yard!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Driving and driving and DRIVING!
Well once again I am faced with another forced march across this wonderful country of ours to pick up my long lost son of almost 3 months. He has changed his mind and decided that Montana wasn't such a hell hole after all. I give up understanding him. That must mean he is becoming a man.
I don't dread the entire trip. It will be great to see some family and friends. My dog has been with my son and she is coming back. I really miss her. Oh yea and I miss my son too. I don't dread the drive across Montana, Minnesota, Indiana, Illinois or Ohio. What I dread is highway 94 across southern North Dakota. If anyone has driven across either North or South Dakota the question come to mind, Why God, why. The only other option is to swing down to South Dakota and go across.
Now, that IS the most mind numbing drive I have ever taken. About halfway across I am ready to go nuts. As a matter of fact as one keeps going west across south dakota and go into Wyoming, ther are various places called Crazy Woman. There is a crazy woman creek, crazy woman stores everywhere. Teh story goes that a woman went crazy while riding in a wagon train across the northern plains and ran off. I sincerely believe it.
The first time I drove across South Dakota was in a heavily packed Uhaul with two very upset teens. By the time we got to the Missouri River, we were all miserable. Look flat tracks of grassland that never ends, ever. Exciting about the first 10 minutes then you are looking for anything to break up the scenery. First we looked for exciting stuff because we didn't know better. We searched for moose, deer, pronghorns, pheasant, maybe buffalo. Then we were looking for cows, horses, and black birds. It got pretty desperate when we got excited over a tree. Not a forest or group, just a tree. We needed to take a picture. A TREE! Then we saw a TOWN. We were saved. It wasn't so bad after all. Something to look at. Nope we were at Mitchell SD. We had a very long way to go.
Now South Dakota has allowed a terrible cruelty to happen on route 90 (the only highway going across). The distance between Sioux Falls SD and Wall SD is 292 miles. Wall Drug has been allowed to post signs just outside Sioux Falls. See them right away. You think how much further can Wall be. WELL! Let me be the one to inform the ignorant, how a far? Pretty &*%@*% far! Who the hell advertises 300 miles down the road! All you see are these damn signs! Every 5 miles. It's like working on an assembly line all day with a clock in front of you. Time crawls, distance crawls, your sanity ebbs away with every mile. You try to avoid them. But there is absolutely nothing else to look at. There are a couple of tiny towns built around a two pump gas stations.
This is no lie, there is a sign out there that say "Better get gas now, Next gas station is 'Who Knows?'". I am not exaggerating. It is about 400 miles across South Dakota on route 90. Theoretically that should take about 6 and a half hours. That is with minimal stopping for gas and a no peeing rule. Food will be what ever bag of chips or jerky you have in your possession when we leave Sioux Falls or Spearfish, depending on which way we go. But in reality it takes about 45 hours and 10 minutes. By the time you reach the Missouri river, you have lost it. We stopped, took pictures and had a picnic on the grassy strip between the grocery store and the main road. We remarked how pretty the river was as if we hadn't lived by the Ohio river ever. We were transfixed. Sadly we realized we weren't even half way across.
Back to grasslands and Wall drug signs. Did we ever reach Wall Drug. Yes we did and by then we didn't care anymore. We were numb to it. We expected roller coasters and clowns. Nope just a drug store with over priced merchandise. We had another hundred miles to go.
I have made this drive 6 times. There is no getting used to it. I have tried everything. I have thought about avoiding the whole state all together. Once tried to route myself down through Nebraska. Western Nebraska is more exciting, but the cheap skate in me wouldn't allow it. The last time I went through North Dakota thinking it would be better. Wrong big time wrong. But there was that 50 foot cow!
I don't dread the entire trip. It will be great to see some family and friends. My dog has been with my son and she is coming back. I really miss her. Oh yea and I miss my son too. I don't dread the drive across Montana, Minnesota, Indiana, Illinois or Ohio. What I dread is highway 94 across southern North Dakota. If anyone has driven across either North or South Dakota the question come to mind, Why God, why. The only other option is to swing down to South Dakota and go across.
Now, that IS the most mind numbing drive I have ever taken. About halfway across I am ready to go nuts. As a matter of fact as one keeps going west across south dakota and go into Wyoming, ther are various places called Crazy Woman. There is a crazy woman creek, crazy woman stores everywhere. Teh story goes that a woman went crazy while riding in a wagon train across the northern plains and ran off. I sincerely believe it.
The first time I drove across South Dakota was in a heavily packed Uhaul with two very upset teens. By the time we got to the Missouri River, we were all miserable. Look flat tracks of grassland that never ends, ever. Exciting about the first 10 minutes then you are looking for anything to break up the scenery. First we looked for exciting stuff because we didn't know better. We searched for moose, deer, pronghorns, pheasant, maybe buffalo. Then we were looking for cows, horses, and black birds. It got pretty desperate when we got excited over a tree. Not a forest or group, just a tree. We needed to take a picture. A TREE! Then we saw a TOWN. We were saved. It wasn't so bad after all. Something to look at. Nope we were at Mitchell SD. We had a very long way to go.
Now South Dakota has allowed a terrible cruelty to happen on route 90 (the only highway going across). The distance between Sioux Falls SD and Wall SD is 292 miles. Wall Drug has been allowed to post signs just outside Sioux Falls. See them right away. You think how much further can Wall be. WELL! Let me be the one to inform the ignorant, how a far? Pretty &*%@*% far! Who the hell advertises 300 miles down the road! All you see are these damn signs! Every 5 miles. It's like working on an assembly line all day with a clock in front of you. Time crawls, distance crawls, your sanity ebbs away with every mile. You try to avoid them. But there is absolutely nothing else to look at. There are a couple of tiny towns built around a two pump gas stations.
This is no lie, there is a sign out there that say "Better get gas now, Next gas station is 'Who Knows?'". I am not exaggerating. It is about 400 miles across South Dakota on route 90. Theoretically that should take about 6 and a half hours. That is with minimal stopping for gas and a no peeing rule. Food will be what ever bag of chips or jerky you have in your possession when we leave Sioux Falls or Spearfish, depending on which way we go. But in reality it takes about 45 hours and 10 minutes. By the time you reach the Missouri river, you have lost it. We stopped, took pictures and had a picnic on the grassy strip between the grocery store and the main road. We remarked how pretty the river was as if we hadn't lived by the Ohio river ever. We were transfixed. Sadly we realized we weren't even half way across.
Back to grasslands and Wall drug signs. Did we ever reach Wall Drug. Yes we did and by then we didn't care anymore. We were numb to it. We expected roller coasters and clowns. Nope just a drug store with over priced merchandise. We had another hundred miles to go.
I have made this drive 6 times. There is no getting used to it. I have tried everything. I have thought about avoiding the whole state all together. Once tried to route myself down through Nebraska. Western Nebraska is more exciting, but the cheap skate in me wouldn't allow it. The last time I went through North Dakota thinking it would be better. Wrong big time wrong. But there was that 50 foot cow!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
InternetReputation.com Remember when....
Does anyone remember when they were in the third grade. Ok girls this is from our point of view, but guys can find a way to relate. Hang in there. Remember that one boy, that one boy who wore the coolest jeans and tennis shoes. The one you always looked for while sitting at your desk waiting for the school day to start. You never talked to him cause well he was HIM. You had the biggest crush but he never noticed you because you were a GIRL! You knew this and accepted to love from afar and was happy with that. Then one day you were spending the night at your best friends house. You reveal that you thought he was cute. Your friend agreed. So the following Monday, after lunch you are at recess. Some girls you really don't like start singing about you and HIM sitting in a tree. To your horror everyone including HIM hears them. You are destroyed for the rest recess and the school day. How did thinking someone was cute turn into a kissing festival in a tree? You ask your friend and she says she didn't do it. By Wednesday it's all over and everybody has forgotten.
When we are kids our reputation is built on the things we do and say. Fortunately, childhood rumors can be reversed easily and quickly. As an adult our reputations aren't as easily fixed. With the internet becoming such an integral part of everything we do, one small fact (true or not) can now have global consequences on a person's or business' reputation. On the internet, reputation is everything. To track down anything that might be harmful would be impossible. Now there are companies that specialize in maintaining internet reputations. I have looked myself up out of curiosity and found that I was charged with nine felonies. News to me. Either I have a very active and criminally minded alter ego or some how my name was linked with some one else's activities. I would recommend InternetReputation.com. They do all the work of chasing kids around the cyber playground and telling them to shut up. No really they are a legitimate company worth trying out. They can be found at http://www.einternetreputation.com/
By the way, you never did marry HIM. Instead you marry the dork with the black glasses who had the bad hair cut because you were forever scarred for life over boys with cool jeans and tennis shoes.
When we are kids our reputation is built on the things we do and say. Fortunately, childhood rumors can be reversed easily and quickly. As an adult our reputations aren't as easily fixed. With the internet becoming such an integral part of everything we do, one small fact (true or not) can now have global consequences on a person's or business' reputation. On the internet, reputation is everything. To track down anything that might be harmful would be impossible. Now there are companies that specialize in maintaining internet reputations. I have looked myself up out of curiosity and found that I was charged with nine felonies. News to me. Either I have a very active and criminally minded alter ego or some how my name was linked with some one else's activities. I would recommend InternetReputation.com. They do all the work of chasing kids around the cyber playground and telling them to shut up. No really they are a legitimate company worth trying out. They can be found at http://www.einternetreputation.com/
By the way, you never did marry HIM. Instead you marry the dork with the black glasses who had the bad hair cut because you were forever scarred for life over boys with cool jeans and tennis shoes.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Well the media did it again.
Those who know me understand that I dislike stereotyping. I especially dislike it when advertising informs me that I need to improve my life. I guess if you happen to be watching TV at 3 am, something has definitely gone wrong. The only people up at 3 am are usually drunks and stressed out housewives (or homemakers).
Well I just watched another commercial where we female homemakers are once again portrayed as the most an inept clumsy human being. Here is my little list of things we are terrible at.
1. We cannot manage to carry a vacuum cleaner up stairs without tripping and tangling ourselves up with the chord. I REALLY REALLY hate this one. I guess any one with a two story house has only 3 options. Buy the expensive specially designed vacuum for clumsy women to carry up the stairs. Move to a single story house. Stop trying to vacuum the floors on the second floor. I think I will opt for the third. Who else but family goes upstairs anyway.
2. We cannot flip a damn pancake without trashing the kitchen. Yup by the time I am done, batter is on the ceiling, floor, and all over my stove top. I cannot make pancakes without destroying it and my stove. I need to buy their pan. Does it come with directions. I need pictures. Don't include a flow chart. I will never make it past the first diamond. Maybe a video.
3.Quit telling me I am irregular. No shit! Most of my day is spent eating badly made pancakes and in fear of going up my own steps.
4. I am not giving my kids the right snacks. Feeding my kids pizza snacks will create well behaved loving kids. Tried this and it didn't work. They still hated me most days. My kids have totally behaved maybe twice in their lives. Neither time was a pizza roll involved. So now I just leave a box of bran cereal on the counter. It forces them to go somewhere else for afternoon snacks. They probably behave like the kids on TV at someone else's house anyway.
5. The commercials that really piss me off is the ones where the toddler keeps trashing the house and his mom just smiles. NOT in my house. I have a few complaints here.
Number one, you are obviously not ready for more kids because you cannot seem to supervise just one. This kid is alone more that a cloistered nun. He managed to go from room to room with lots of unsupervised time to cause massive destruction. I am worried about his safety.
Number two, I have never entered a scene of mass destruction smiling. It begins with shock. Followed by confusion. After I have assessed the situation, yelling begins. It's a pretty well rehearsed speech. "What the hell happened!" (shock) "What were you thinking!" (confusion) We all know what follows. Unlike the paper towel commercials I so not lovingly start cleaning up. I don't mop the floor happy. I do not clean red kool aid stains with a smile. The majority of the time I hand a bacteria ridden dishrag to my kid and tell them to.
Here's the reality of life as a homemaker, housewife whatever.
I can not only carry a vacuum up my stairs, I can carry two baskets of laundry down my basement stairs. I can carry 5 full plastic bags of groceries on one arm from the car to my kitchen with any assistance to open doors.
I can flip a stupid pancake, a fried egg and anything else I prefer to fry. We have been told frying is bad but we keep doing it anyway. I have learned that butter solves everything.
I have never greeted my kids at the door with fresh from the oven snacks. They know if they are hungry they can feed themselves. I love my kids enough to teach them how to operate all the equipment in the kitchen. If they tell me they are hungry I tell them what time dinner is and they know they are on their own until then.
My decision to have a second child was not planned. The behavior of my first child had absolutely nothing to do with my having another. I got pregnant cause it just happened. When I told my husband, his first question was "How did that happen?". My answer was this exactly;"How should I know, I was asleep."
Also a little side note. I do not LOVE cleaning. It is not what fulfills me. I clean my house because I hate the mess more.
Well I just watched another commercial where we female homemakers are once again portrayed as the most an inept clumsy human being. Here is my little list of things we are terrible at.
1. We cannot manage to carry a vacuum cleaner up stairs without tripping and tangling ourselves up with the chord. I REALLY REALLY hate this one. I guess any one with a two story house has only 3 options. Buy the expensive specially designed vacuum for clumsy women to carry up the stairs. Move to a single story house. Stop trying to vacuum the floors on the second floor. I think I will opt for the third. Who else but family goes upstairs anyway.
2. We cannot flip a damn pancake without trashing the kitchen. Yup by the time I am done, batter is on the ceiling, floor, and all over my stove top. I cannot make pancakes without destroying it and my stove. I need to buy their pan. Does it come with directions. I need pictures. Don't include a flow chart. I will never make it past the first diamond. Maybe a video.
3.Quit telling me I am irregular. No shit! Most of my day is spent eating badly made pancakes and in fear of going up my own steps.
4. I am not giving my kids the right snacks. Feeding my kids pizza snacks will create well behaved loving kids. Tried this and it didn't work. They still hated me most days. My kids have totally behaved maybe twice in their lives. Neither time was a pizza roll involved. So now I just leave a box of bran cereal on the counter. It forces them to go somewhere else for afternoon snacks. They probably behave like the kids on TV at someone else's house anyway.
5. The commercials that really piss me off is the ones where the toddler keeps trashing the house and his mom just smiles. NOT in my house. I have a few complaints here.
Number one, you are obviously not ready for more kids because you cannot seem to supervise just one. This kid is alone more that a cloistered nun. He managed to go from room to room with lots of unsupervised time to cause massive destruction. I am worried about his safety.
Number two, I have never entered a scene of mass destruction smiling. It begins with shock. Followed by confusion. After I have assessed the situation, yelling begins. It's a pretty well rehearsed speech. "What the hell happened!" (shock) "What were you thinking!" (confusion) We all know what follows. Unlike the paper towel commercials I so not lovingly start cleaning up. I don't mop the floor happy. I do not clean red kool aid stains with a smile. The majority of the time I hand a bacteria ridden dishrag to my kid and tell them to.
Here's the reality of life as a homemaker, housewife whatever.
I can not only carry a vacuum up my stairs, I can carry two baskets of laundry down my basement stairs. I can carry 5 full plastic bags of groceries on one arm from the car to my kitchen with any assistance to open doors.
I can flip a stupid pancake, a fried egg and anything else I prefer to fry. We have been told frying is bad but we keep doing it anyway. I have learned that butter solves everything.
I have never greeted my kids at the door with fresh from the oven snacks. They know if they are hungry they can feed themselves. I love my kids enough to teach them how to operate all the equipment in the kitchen. If they tell me they are hungry I tell them what time dinner is and they know they are on their own until then.
My decision to have a second child was not planned. The behavior of my first child had absolutely nothing to do with my having another. I got pregnant cause it just happened. When I told my husband, his first question was "How did that happen?". My answer was this exactly;"How should I know, I was asleep."
Also a little side note. I do not LOVE cleaning. It is not what fulfills me. I clean my house because I hate the mess more.
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