I am not the perfect parent, but I am not a complete failure.  I have had quite the life changing summer this year.  We moved to a smaller place in town.  It was a decision based on several factors.  But I digress.  My daughter left for school and my son is filing papers to leave on his mission.  I have had a lot of time to reflect on our life together.  I believe that I have done all that I can do as a mother.  I loved them, taught them, I have enjoyed their company, and I have let them fly.  I give them the credit for the people they have become.  I am now able to be their friend.  I have finally figured this all out.  During their childhood, I had to be their mother.  I was probably the most unpopular person in their lives.  During their teen years I was the enemy.  Now that they are both becoming young adults, I finally get to be their friend.  I love this next stage.  I do miss my babies, but at least I have the memories.  In spite of my many mistakes, I can respect the people they are today.  I respect the fact that they make their own decisions and are willing to stand by those decisions.  I may not agree with them but I respect them.  Both my kids are leaders of men and followers of Christ.  Can I possibly to any better?

OMGoodness.  My son finally decided to make a serious decision, an adult decision, a responsible decision about his future.  IT WAS THE WRONG ONE!  I am in a panic.  He, a friend, and his sister went into Billings to goof around, go to a junk yard for truck parts, and then go out to eat.  I was happily getting work done around the house.  My daughter calls all excited.  I couldn't understand a word she said.  She hands the phone to her brother.  He informs me that he decided to stop in the recruiting office for the marines and passed their test.  He wanted to schedule an interview with a recruiter.  My daughter said everyone in the car could hear me scream "What, YOUR ONLY 17 THEY CAN'T SIGN YOU UP, YOUR ONLY 17, YOU HAVE TO FINISH HIGH SCHOOL, WHOSE GOING TO TELL YOUR DAD!"   Why!  Why is this his first big decision.  I tried to remind him there is a war going on.  I tried to tell him he will be poor.  I tried to remind him who his Commander-in-Chief would be.  I know; call grandma. She was from the 60's, she could help.  Never mind, her husband served in the army.  That's no help.  Tell him to try working first.  Think about it, oh yea, the economy is still in the dumps.  Crying won't work.  I could ground him but he will be 18 soon.  His dad isn't anti military, but the marines, right now?  He will go nuts.  Well I have had two days to mull this over.  I hope this is another one of his 10 minute ideas.  I don't know though.  He asked me to shave all his hair off Tuesday.  He started running again.  Give him another week to come to his senses.    I need another aspirin.   So what does the boy do.  He posts it on Facebook. Now I have to tell his Dad.  IIIIIIIIIIII  have to tell his dad.  How can my precious baby boy face enemies of war when he cannot face his own father.  That's the winning argument.  He will have to face enemies that are his father 10 times worse.  Thank God for Steve's horrible temper!

There comes a time in every relationship when understanding must be practiced.  If not, then I have to find a way to wrestle my 17 year old to the ground and shove a bar of soap into his mouth.   He called me on his way home from work to let me know where he was.  This is a result of a discussion about my right to know where he was and who he was with.  I did not yell, I am proud to say.  Anyway,  he was telling me where he was and his ETA, when he had what sounded like a tourettes episode and yelled F^&%$  A*&$%^ into the phone.  I must have gone into shock.  I didn't say a word for 10 seconds.  I just was stunned.  Then continued to talk to me.  I finally asked what is going on.  He explained that a truck ran up behind him and bumped him, then took off.   He didn't realize what he did.  I finally asked him if he remembers cussing at me.  He panicked and started apologizing desparately.   Well I could have lectured him on this and bored him to tears.   Instead, I acted shocked and hurt.  I told him I was going to call his dad and report that he was cussing me.  My son started pleading with me and apologized again.  He couldn't say he was sorry enough.  I told him his dad will probably fly home just to whip his butt and fly back to work.  I did this for about 5 minutes and then started laughing.  This was far more fun than getting angry and grounding him.  In fact I think I will get that bar of soap.

At about 5 am I woke to the sound of song birds greeting the morning sun.  It was a nice cool morning and I was snug under my blankets.   I love living here.  Then I heard rocks crashing and a deer making whatever that noise is.   I heard more rocks.  Just behind my house is a mule deer and bobcat having at it.  The deer was chasing the bobcat.  She was not chasing it off, she was trying to kill it.  It hid under some shrubs but the deer persisted.   All that ruckus sent my dog into a fit.  She started to bark and howl.   There was no shutting her up.   Then my daughter woke up, knocking something over in her room.  I heard a huge crash.   The dog was really excited.  She was running back and forth barking.  The deer and bobcat were still at it outside.   Finally the interlopers outside went on over the ridge. The dog calmed down and Renee cleaned up whatever fell in her room.  It was now 5:30 am.   So glad I came out here for the peace and quiet.

Famous words of wisdom my mother used that I now share with my children.
Knock it off
How many times do I have to repeat this
Go away
Yea whatever I love you too
no No NO!!!
I shouldn't have to tell you.
What the hell  were you thinking!
No I am not happy with you
Quit kicking the dog
Feed the damn cat now!
He died because you wouldn't take care of him.
Keep it up.
Go tell your dad.
I don't care.

and the number one quote that has helped my through the teen years is..................
SHUT UP!            I HAVE A HEADACHE THANKS TO YOUR CONSTANT ARGUING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some body in this house is getting medicated.  Not sure who yet but SOMEBODY!    One more ridiculous argument over misplaced eyebrows or incorrect sighs and the downers are coming home.  I will put everybody on Quaaludes if necessary.   I am sick an tired of having to solve the most insane arguments.  Either someone's eyeballs rolled in the wrong direction or someone made a mean sound or something stupid.  How about the "you didn't need to pass the salt to me like that!" That really happened.  How do you pass the salt wrong!  I want one just one day without the petty bickering.  Are they trying to get thrown out of the house?  Are they trying to get me to the point where I come in with a ball bat and start swinging at heads.  Who knows.

Well the day has finally come.  My kids are growing up.  I know, I've had plenty of time to see this coming.  But they are making plans together without me..  They are leaving this house and doing stuff without ME.  I have home schooled for the last 12 years, it can be weird not having them include me.  At first I just took it for granted that I was included when they were making their plans.  They coordinated the their schedules and agreed on what to do.  They did all this in front of me.  I assumed I was included.  WELLLLLLL.  This morning I was informed that they were going by themselves.
           I have been going through a tough time these days.  My daughter is leaving soon to go study culinary arts (against my sage advice).  My son starts a new job this week with full time hours for the summer.   My husband is only home one week a month.
           They are going out for dinner.  I know I wanted them to get along better, but couldn't they include me in the fun too.  They never take me anywhere.  Fine, there is always the dog.  We can have dinner together.
            Bakita, do we want Gravy Train or Alpo?  Wet or Dry?

Too tired to listen any more.  That has been my mantra these days.  My kids will not stop bickering.  I don't even ask anymore.  I just tell them both to shut up.   You would think that at this point, they would get along.  I deserve some peace before they move out.  At this rate, I will be packing both their bags and driving them to the bus station.  We can't get through a meal without some kind of argument occurring.  I have been cooking everything they hate lately, hoping that a common enemy (me) would unite them.  Sometimes when they argue and I know who is right, wrong, whatever, I tell them to shut up.  When they try to drag me into their petty issues, I just say I am too tired to listen.  I have even said I don't care.  I figure that just confirms their suspicion's any way.   I have been accused their whole lives of not caring.  Why are they surprised now?  It is amazing what happens to your parenting skills after 20 years.  When ever they use the old "you love her/him more than me" routine,  my new reply is your right.  Then I stomp away.  See how they like it.  

                      I was watching Dr Phil  the other day.  That is what happens when you wake up at 5 am.  He was doing a show about what was wrong with men.  He had three single ladies on his panel with three single guys.  I only watched about 20 minutes and had to turn it off.  I listened long enough to know these people were single for a reason.  They wanted perfect people right from the starting gate.  

                   I have been with my husband for over 20 years.  Neither of us started out perfect and we still are not perfect.  We have just learned to live with each other with our imperfections.  My husband was the worst date I ever went on.  He took me to a terrible restaurant in the worst section of town.  He never had anything planned.  He was broke most of the time.  He was not a smooth talker by any means.  He still cannot complement me without it all coming out wrong.  BUT I understood he meant well.  I always understood that.  Just because he didn't do things as I expected them, he thought he was doing something nice.  He was nervous. I didn't expect him to read my mind and know what I wanted.  I had to come right out and tell him.  At the same time, I didn't complain all the time.  I didn't demand that he take me to certain places.  I had friends and if I wanted to go to a special restaurant, I went with them.  Dating for us was about time.  We spent time together.

            My husband was never taught to open doors for me, he was never taught how to behave on a date.  We had to  do that together.  I think that is the problem these days.  Parents do not teach their kids anything anymore.  All they expect from their children is to not get on their nerves.  He didn't understand the need for manners.  I was not his mother by any means but I was someone who cared.  I saw underneath a man who wanted to do what was right.  We did not marry perfect people and neither did our husbands.

             My son has been taught.  I have had the thrill of hearing how polite and wonderful he is.  He opens doors, pays for dinner, and had plans.  He makes his date feel like the most important person at that moment.  My daughter knows to be gracious and patient.   She knows how to state her limits without sounding militant.  

             Here is a little tidbit it heard on the show. Ladies take note.  In a survey of men, the big question was, why did they not want to commit to marriage while in a relationship.  The answer, they were already getting the sex they wanted. Interesting isn't it.  Back to that old fashioned thinking.

Some days I would rather be married to housework.  Housework never leaves.  It will wait forever for you.  It will even stay exactly where you last left it.  It doesn't tell you to hurry up.  You can always count on housework to greet you first thing in the morning.  Even if you only spend five minutes with it,  something has improved.  Housework will always give you something to do.

All I want to know is if God has a sense of humor, why doesn't he ever tell the punch line  to his little jokes.  For example my kids.  My husband and my kids to be more accurate.  Here's one.  I cannot count how many times my husband has stood in front of his dresser with the closet door open and yelled that he can't find his brown pants.  some one must have taken them.  First my son is not guilty because these are brown polyester work pants with holes in key places.  Not my sons style.  Besides, hes weights about 150 lbs less than his father.   I know my daughter didn't take them.  That doesn't even need to be explained.  So my dear husband deducts that someone has stolen them.  Yup, that must be it.  A pant-less thief broke in the house, passed all the power tools and electronics and stole those damn pants.   I try to reason with him but he insists that they are gone.  I yell back that he has to actually look for them, they aren't going to sprout legs and walk up to him.  He insists he did.  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I stop watching soap operas and eating Bon-bons to go look for his pants.  I open his drawer.  Push the other 300 pairs of pants aside and find them.  I wish his pants did have workable legs and ears so they could walk themselves up to him on command.

My kids are just as guilty.  They are constantly loosing power chords, cell phones, and occasionally their clothes.  My son once lost his winter coat in his room.  We found it when we packed to move.  They have lost furniture in their rooms.  My son's new idea is to leave important papers in the kitchen.  That way when he looses them, it must be my fault.   When they look for stuff, they stand in the middle of the room and wait.  They must figure that like their dad's pants, they have legs and will walk themselves to them.  I wish they did.

I love it when they borrow my things and loose them.  No one tells me.  I figure I have lost MY MIND because I am pretty sure I left it somewhere specific.  I will meticulously search for about an hour.  Some one will ask what am I looking for and then find it.  For the longest time I thought I was going senile until I figured something out.

How is it the same group of people who cannot find their own things, always find mine.

I just know God is laughing at me a little.

Went running the other day with my "new" dog.  I felt that having her with me is a safety thing.  We live on a dirt  road leading to the Beartooth Mountains.  So we have wildlife in abundance.  The greater Yellowstone area is just 3 miles up the road.  My husband was concerned about bears and wolves.  The first fall here, I ran into a black bear.  He was no more interested in seeing me that I was him.  We went opposite ways and have never run into each other again.  I  heard that you are supposed to make lots of noise when out in the woods.  I figured all my heavy breathing and big feet clomping on the road should do it.  Anyway, we heard wolves the other night, so the dog was supposed to at least warn me of any dangers.  

       We started out at 6:30 am like usual.  We get about a mile up the road, when an Elk crosses the road in front of us.  I am simply thrilled.  Elk are pretty elusive.  To get to see one this close was exciting.  I look down to talk to the dog and she is gone.  I look down the road.  She is high tailing it home.  No good bye, no bark, nothing.  Just gone.  I am on my own.  She never came back, never even looked when I called her.  Let me explain the irony of this situation.. She is a cross between a border collie and austalian kelpie.   They are herding animals.  They are bred for this purpose.   She herded herself home, is what she did.  

           The kids were concerned when she came home without me.  They were so concerned, they let her in and went back to bed.   I continued on and returned home at about 8 am.  I had to wake the kids up to let them know I was home.  My daughter said that the dog had been home for awhile.  Good thing she warned them.  Good thing they didn't go looking for me.  I would have been so angry to see them out there.  It's dangerous after all.   Wouldn't want them to risk their lives climbing into the pick up and driving down the road.  

           Turns out the dog has a backbone after all.   She keeps all the Robins out of the yard and all those mean mallards out of the pond.   I ever run into a prairie chicken, I'm good.  She will protect me.  

                 I gave up on my kids and got a dog.  We relate better.  My kids refused to obey me and grew up.  I told them when they were 8 and 4 that they were not to grow anymore.  As usual they didn't listen.  Now they have little to say to me except under the following conditions:   1) They are mad at me   2) They either need a ride or gas money 3) They have been unfairly treated by some thoughtless adult.   Other than that, I am pretty much wall paper to them.  they never want to take walks with me, they never want to watch TV with me, and they never like what I cook anymore.  So I got a dog.  She is older  and slightly over weight.  WE have decided to get in shape together.  She goes out running, ok running that turns into a stumble, with me every morning.  She doesn't whine about being bored or tired.  When I want to take a break and walk for a minute, she doesn't call me old or slow.  When I am watching TV, she sits with me and doesn't complain about the news.  She doesn't force me to watch reality TV or car shows.  What ever I watch, she is happy.   As far as cooking, throw some dog food in a bowl and she is thrilled.  I should try this with the kids.
                  I have discovered an added bonus.  I can get her to howl on command.  I spent two days working on this one.  She appreciates my effort.  6 am this morning I got her to howl for 5 minutes.  I loved it.  The kids did not.

Camping with my "grown "kids.  I was sitting around one day doing "nothing", when it dawned on me that this is the last full year my kids will be home.  My daughter will be moving out soon for school, and my son is 17.  I decided to spend this last year bonding with them..   We are going to camp out on top of Mount Derby so we can watch the sunset and sunrise on the Beartooths.   I packed up our camping gear.  This went well with the kids.  They were terrified of freezing to death, the bears would eat them, and they will die of boredom.  In response, I packed extra sleeping bags, extra food, and a portable DVD players.  We were going.
         We get up there, set up the tent, and build a fire ring.   My daughter and I going hiking.  My son sits on a cliff and plays his guitar singing at the top of his lungs.  Well, that took care of the bears.  It was going so nice.  There wasn't a lot of talking, just a kind of quiet communion with nature.  We were all relaxed and happy.
          I cooked a great dinner of red beans with tomatoes and biscuits.  We sat around the fire and watched the sun set over the mountains.  It was beautiful.  Took pictures with our cell phones.  By the way, you get full bars up there.  We climbed into our tent and watched a movie.  
           Let me explain our tent.   It is 16 by 8 by 6 feet.  My son has a twin sized air mattress.  My daughter and I share a queen air mattress.  It is the Rockies and I am not sleeping on rocks.  My son is a personal advocate for Big Foot.  He starts talking about how this is a perfect place for Big Foot.  My daughter is not amused.  She yells at him to shut up.  He thinks its funny to see her scared. Then he starts talking about movies, like Wrong Turn and Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Mike is laughing and Renee is yelling.  I tell them both to shut up.  The wind blows causing the tent to shake a little.  Mike is dragging his mattress over by mine.  He says he doesn't want to get cold.  Every time the wind blows, they are both convinced it's either a bear or a cannibal.
            I wake up at 5 am sore.  Somehow during the night, my son has wormed his way onto my air mattress.  I have two kids embedded into both of my sides.  Mike complained that his mattress went flat.  It didn't.  So here we are in this large tent, crammed in one end taking up about 4 feet.  I have to pee now.  No one wants to move.  I tell them one of two things are going to happen.  Either they move or I pee right where I am at.  They move.
            Here is the irony of the whole experience.   For the last two years, my kids have made fun of me for being old. blind. weak, and senile.  I must be more helpless than a 2 minute old kitten.  So why did they think I was going to be able to protect them from bears and cannibals?  

       

                        Life lesson learned today.  Do not under any circumstances go over your pay stubs while watching the morning news.  I was musing over the fact that the federal government gets a bigger cut of my husband's paycheck than I do.  I have to actually pay MY bills with what they leave for us.  I realized he was paying almost 20% just  on federal with-holding.  Mean while,  a story comes on the TV about congress wanting to pass legislation capping the GSA conference spending.  Capping their spending!  Hell, how about dismantling the whole operation.  Any way that set the tone for my day.
                       I finally get out of my sweat pants into street clothes to go the the garage.  My truck needed a front wheel alignment.  My 3 month old tires were wearing horribly on the inside tread.  What the heck.  I might have enough for groceries after today.  I sat and waited and waited and waited. I actually had time to finish a novel I have spent 2 months reading ( in 10 minutes daily intervals).  Finally they bring my truck up front.
                       The mechanic hands the keys to the front desk person who hands the paper work to the manager.  He runs into the garage.  This was starting to feel like when the nurse checks your blood pressure, doesn't tell you what it is, and leaves quickly.   After 20 minutes he returns with my keys in hand.  The truck cannot be aligned.  Instead, it needs about $1200 work done.   My husband has a job that takes him away for two week periods.  He was not going to be home for 10 more days.
                        Normally I can do minor repairs on my own.  I have replaced various electrical parts, replaced a head gasket once, and even helped pull a transmission in our own driveway.  But this was beyond me.  Two bad ball joints and one bad hub assembly.  How I got the truck there was a true miracle.  For the typical city dweller, this is not a crises.  But I live about 35 miles from the nearest village.  11 miles are dirt road with no cell service.  My mailman will not even come to my house.  I have a mailbox 2.5 miles away.
                        Groceries!    The first thought in my head was I need groceries.  Screw it, I call the finance company and tell them they will get their payment as soon as I can drive my truck again.  I tell the garage I am taking it home (slowly) and will wait until my husband is home to look at it.   I buy groceries with my payment to last at least 2 weeks.   I always carry coupons so that wasn't so bad.   At least the grocery store had good sales going on.
                        I called my husband at work to share the joy.   He said I made the right decision, yea, that made my day all better.   I drove home and announced to my teenage kids we are stuck for the next 10 days.  Yup, this was welcome news.  Trapped in the mountains with two teenagers and no vehicle.
                        Monday I had an argument with my husband.  He has a list of things he wanted to to get done in a specific time frame.  I apparently wasn't getting things done quickly enough.   The good news is I get a break from running all those silly errands for 10 days.  I WIN!
                         Now I am in the right frame of mind to write a letter to my congressman expressing how once again my government has ruined my life.  I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO!